That's all I hear now when I think of Adriana. I wasn't going to tell her I love you last night because we were in the middle of sorting out some problems and she just threw out the I love you card and she expected me to say it back. For me that is just wrong. You can't expect me to forget about the reason why we were upset and just say I love you. Those three words are not going to just fix a problem we have. Every time I told her "I Love You" I really meant it, but I really wasn't going to tell her that last night. All today I tried talking to her, but I just didn't feel comfortable. I swear after she told me that I should have never told her "I Love You" it felt like I could never say it to her again. I don't know what to do. I've been thinking that maybe we would just be better off not together. I know I've went through a lot to finally be with her, but I honestly didn't imagine it being like this. I'm going to hopefully talk to her tomorrow after she gets off work. All I really want is to be happy. Even if that means we have to break up. This sucks....

It doesn't feel like it. I woke up today with my love next to me :] great feeling!! We talked for a bit then I took her home. It was only like 10am, but it felt way earlier than that! I'm at home right now listening to A Rocket To The Moon. Today should be fun! I'm gonna hang out with Adriana and we're going to take her dog Rin to the park!! Dog parks aren't my favorite places to be, but Adriana wants to go so i'm down to go! :]

If she really ignores me today.. then i'm done.

Thats pretty much how i felt about today. i let things get to me again. ughhhh

It's Friday and i'm so tired! Ronnie is snoring away on my bed. LOL I'm so fucking hungry! It's raining outside which is nice. I love how the weather had been for the past couple of days! Omg yesterday had to have been the best day of the week!!!!!! I woke up to a phone call from Panera Bread telling me that I have the job, but I just have to wait for the orientation!!! Then at the end of the night I find out that Adriana wanted to finally be my girlfriend! omg I love life. Today should be good to! I'm going to see Indiana Jones!! fuck yeah!!! <3333

So it's been awhile since I've posted! There has been so much going on since i've last posted...so i'm not going to give you a quick catch up lesson. :P Right now i'm sitting in my room with Ronnie . He's playing GTAIV!! that game is sooo fun!! I just caught up to where i was in the PS3 version.. If you're asking yourself.."Jamie, don't you have a PS3?" I'm going to respond with no. I own an XBOX 360... I know I know. All hell isn't breaking loose. I'm doing just fine. SO CALM DOWN! :] Today is Kayde's birthday!!! OMG i'm excited!...even though she isn't! I think she's secretly excited, but who knows? Last year we were fighting around the time of her birthday :/ so im really excited that i get to finally wish her a happy birthday this year! Ronnie is going to come with me to see her tomorrow! Hopefully Carlos will be able to join us.

Now I'm going to talk about my day. It started out fine...Pauline called me because the night before i promised to take her to school the next day. I was so tired! I almost asked Ronnie just to take the truck so that I could just sleep in a little. I didn't so I had to get the energy to get out of bed and take Pauline to school. I dropped Ronnie off at Pauline's then I took Pauline to school. It was cool because we talked the whole time and i gained a lot of my energy back. After I dropped her off I stopped by my moms work because I was driving the truck, but I needed to get the car so I could wash it after school.

School was alright...except I had breakfast by myself. :[ I hate eating outside of my house alone. Its so boring because I like being social while i eat. LOL I bought a doughnut and Essential Vitamin Water. It was so yummy!! After I ate I made my way to the HILB. Once again I was hating the fact that i was alone, but I ran into the great Jeff Soulliere. I got a computer next to him. We talked about school and he told me about this benefit show happening on May 26th. After talking I had sent my paper to the printer room. When i arrived at the printer room there was a sign on the door and it said "Will Return At 8:15"....It was 10:00 when I read the sign. So I went back to the computer where Jeff was and I saw the printer lady's run into the printer room. I instantly got annoyed. So I had to walk back over there right after i sat down. They charged me $0.30 to print out my essay. After I had gotten my paper I went and said farewell to Jeff. I was so nervous to go into my class, because my professor didn't like me too much. I think the reason could be that I was never there.. HAHA :] After I turned in my paper my professor told me that i got a C in the course.. LAME! I wanted an A+++

After school I went back to Pauline's to wake up Ronnie so he could help me wash my car. I was outside of Pauline's for like 10 minutes screaming RONNIE and honking my horn. Then I got over it because I was melting fast!! When I got home Muse Mike came over and we just caught up on each others life. I'm hyped that he lives a million times closer now! Muse Mike left after awhile because he had to do some stuff with his old house. After that I fell asleep!! I woke up and I got a few texts from Adriana(the girl who has my heart) asking me if I was mad at her! I was like ahhh I have to call her. So I called her and explained to her that i was sleeping and that I was definitely not upset or mad at all! I started to wash my car while we were on the phone. Half way done with the car i accidentally hung up on Adriana. She called me back and I was happy about that. But she just told me to text or call her when I wasn't busy. After finishing my car washing, I went inside and played GTAIV until Edgar called me.

Edgar asked if he could come over. I told him yeah! It's never really a problem if people want to come over..except if Adriana and I are having like a Adriana and Jamie day. haha I like those a lot. So he came over and we talked and then Mike from next door came over to pick up Halo 3. After I changed Edgar and I took off to go eat!! We called up Karen because we knew she was bored at home. We decided to eat at Farmer Boys! I got the Farmer Burger...which was amazing!!! Edgar got onion rings and some burger... ahh I forgot what kind. Once Karen showed up we got a tuna melt(one of my faves). After a bit of talking and eating Andre showed up! Then we talked about our plans for the day. Which just consisted of watching the Death Note movie at Ranco 16. I called Carlos to invite him and Nancy. They said they down. After that I invited Frank. He was down too. So we all decided to meet up at GameStop. We always hang out there. I swear i'm there more than some of their employees. Carlos and Nancy decided they would wait until we went to Edgars to meet up with us.

Once at Edgar's I applied for a job at GameStop! Twice! haha one time online and the other on paper. After that we just left to the movies. Going into the movie I was expecting it to be horrible. All I ever heard about it was that it was terrible. After watching it I thought it did a really good job! There were only a little things that were different from the anime in the movie. So if you're a fan of Death Note and haven't seen the movie... GO WATCH IT!! fuck the haterz!!

After that Frank and I picked up Ronnie from Pauline's and we came back to my house. Erik snd Lexi showed up! We started to watch Diary of the Dead(sorry Karen), but Lexi had to leave so we couldn't finish it. The last part of our hang out sesh was lame. I just played GTAIV, Ronnie was on the comp, and Frank was just texting. Overall today was a good day except I didn't get to see Adriana. I miss her a lot. We hang out all the time, but if I don't see her one day I feel all sad and I just can't help but think about her all day. :/

Don't treat me, I'm to blame sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not sure
Don't treat me like I ever accused you

im going to bed

im so excited to go back to vegas. i love vegas trips because they consist of FRIENDS, GOOD ASS STORIES, HARDCORE, AND NEW PEOPLE. im feeling so much better then i was yesterday!! text me!

all day today i've been bummed out. i honestly don't think i should be. i don't talk to courtney anymore but its like really bumming me out. i think maybe because im just scared that im never going to get the right girl? i really don't know. like i've talked to soo many girls in my life and they all let me down in some way. i just suck a lot i guess. fuck my life

FINALLY GOING TO MAKE MUSIC WITH CARLOS TONIGHT! DOUBLE JUMP IS TAKING OVER! LOL
<333333333333333

I want a girl who wants me back

just got home from a long day! im so happy with the way everyone reacted to our new recordings! i honestly haven't heard one bad comment about them. im tired so im going to bed now <3 thanks everyone

just got home from taking my mom to work....im so tired and im still annoyed.

SO TODAY IS THE MOST ANNOYED THAT I'VE GOTTEN SINCE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHEN. YOU ASK YOURSELF "JAMIE, WHY DID YOU GET SO ANNOYED ON THIS BEAUTIFUL DAY?" WELL I WILL TELL YOU. I WAS AT THE FINAL MIXING OF MY BANDS CD AND I WAS GETTING READY TO LEAVE THEN ERICK MY BASS PLAYER COMES IN AND THEN CARLOS IS IN THE HALLWAY AND MAKES THIS SIGNATURE SOUND FOR WHEN SOMETHING WEIRD HAPPENS AND THE THOUGHT RAN THROUGH MY HEAD THAT MAYBE ERICK BROUGHT HER... IF YOU'RE ASKING YOURSELF "WHO IS SHE?" SHE IS THE GIRL THAT I USE TO LIKE AND ADMIRE A LOT. SHES THE GIRL WHO I USE TO LOVE TALKING TO FOR DAYS. SHES THE GIRL WHO COULDN'T EVER HANG OUT WITH ME, BUT SHE COULD GO OUT AND GET DRUNK AND HANG OUT WITH ALL OF HER OTHER FRIENDS. HER NAME IS COURNTEY. HONESTLY LIKE I HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO HER FOR LIKE A WHOLE 2 DAYS. SO WHY IS SHE AT MY BANDS FINAL MIXING? I HAVE NO CLUE. I THINK THAT IT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS THAT I WAS GOING TO BE THERE BECAUSE IM THE FUCKING SINGER. I DON'T THINK IT WAS RIGHT FOR HER TO BE THERE. IT JUST REALLY BUGGED ME A LOT. SO I GOT REALLY UPSET AND I CALLED MICHAEL AFTER I LEFT AND WE TALKED. HE'S DEFINITELY A RAD DOOD. IM DONE. I DON'T WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE... CARLOS CALL ME PLEASE

pretty bummed the way things turned out... i can't stop thinking about it. :[

it's funny how things can change so fast. lol it's fine because this is definitely not the first time this happened. let it roll.

Today started off lame. I just woke up and laid around the house all day. Carlos was super late one picking me because he was slacking it on his C.O.D. orientation. He showed up around 3:30ish. By the time he showed up my mom had already asked me to do some yard work. I was so annoyed because I didn't want to do it! Carlos showed up and I made him wait outside while I was inside chillin haha. Well he mad me wait all day so I figured it was his turn to wait a little. He was feeling sick so I had to drive the bug... We were not looking xtuffx at all in it. haha. Half way out of the cove I thought I left my phone at home, so we drove back to my house then I realized that it was in the car! haha I was slackin it. We went to my work to get my check.. Thats when I got upset... I got Sherylized! I was wearing my WhiteChapel hoodie that says "FUCKED AND LEFT FOR DEAD" She was all happy to see me then she asked me what my hoodie said.. thats when she got genuine. She said "You're not allowed to wear that in my store" and a whole bunch of other crap. haha so I just got my check and left. I don't know, but for some reason every time I get Sherylized it bugs the hell out of me. :[ Anyways after that Carlos and I went to the bank then to the taco shop right by CVS on Washington st. OMG it was sooo good!!!! We went to visit Joey at work but he was already gone... So we all met up at Michael's house. Sat around there for an hour then we started packing for the show. The show was gooood! we sold tons of merch and tons of kids were moving during our set.. oh and we're going to put our set on youtube!!! courtney didn't call me tonight before she went to bed... hmm she is either still awake or im just blowin it......fuck my life im going to bed...


p.s. I was kinda bummed today. Courtney and I hung out at the show, but she wasn't really talking... I asked her why she wasn't talking and she basically said it's because she doesn't know me well............ We talk like every day all day. I want to get to know her better, but its
REALLY
hard to get to know someone just through texting and phone calls. I just wish her mom felt comfortable enough to let her hang out with me without being sketched about it. I like Courtney so much. dlkfjhsd i hardly see her and seeing at the show was way cool, but i want to have awesome hangout sessions and do cute things together not just see each other at shows..efpij;fj i don't know if her mom is ever going to feel comfortable, but im going to stick around and wait because courtney is definitely awesome and pretty and whole bunch of other good stuff.

so this is it
the feeling that ive missed
a subtle kind of pain
that keeps me from sleep
try to explain
how your touch drives me insane
and i cant spend a night
without wishing i was with you

wanna tell you a secret
and leave it on your lips
wanna sing it through your body
wanna tell it through this kiss
if i told you my secret
would you swear to keep it
would you swear to keep it

im watching you dance
im seeing you smile
still getting butterflies
every once in a while
feelings insist on falling
twist on lust
a choice to care
a wish to touch

when you say never ill say lie
when you say always ill say true
when you say love ill say you ill say you

hyped on playing with fight like hell and death before dishonor next month
i miss courtney
cloverfield
just surrender
Recording tomorrow
food

haha that was lame hahaha anyway....


today is going to be the second day of recording!!! we're going to lay down the guitar and bass tracks!! its going to be soo good! i cant wait to finally get some good ass recordings up!! final faze has came up on so many good shows this past week. i feel blessed because we're on some big shows!!!

i didn't do much yesterday because i had work and recording. i feel bad because i couldnt make it to roys birthday thing. :[ i reallly wanted to be there but i HAD to go the recording sesh because i need to know whats going on with my band because its really important to me to be in the loop when it comes to my band.

i hardly talked to Courtney yesterday. :[ it bums me out when we don't talk because we usually talk a lot!! its so easy to talk to her!!! i don't know why but i feel really comfortable talking to her. normally with girls i find it hard to talk about things because i'm such a weirdo. lolol but with Courtney things are just easy to talk about. i felt bad today because we have this routine where she calls me or i call her before she goes to bed, but my phone died so it couldn't happen because i was out. when i got home and was able to charge my phone i got a text from her saying "Jamie...its hard to sleep" i felt bad but it was cool to know that she was having trouble sleeping because she didn't talk to me... haha that sounds weird, but it just shows that im actually of some importance in her life. :]] so i called her and woke her up. we talked for a little but i told her to go back to sleep because she has finals today and i didn't want her to be late or tired. i definitely like this girl. hopefully we can hang out SOON!! i haven't seen her in forever. i wish i could see her everyday. oh man that would be so good.

i have to get to bed because i have to play some COD4 with andrew and hopefully bobby in the morning. oh and i have recording day 2 at 5:00pm. good night :P